mikarrhea banner
mika·cooper·her·blog
randomneuronfiringalienatedmajestysexgendersystemlamephilosophyfilmflamliterarypontificatingnowthisanecdotagepolitixdoggerelbloggeralijustgoberSERK
mikarrhea

blog-O-rama

>  blogdex
MIT media lab
>  boing boing
Cory Doctorow & friends
>  meme list
christian crumlish
>  snarkout
steve

e-personae

>  superette
Ann&Dabney
>  ByTheCathedral
Anonymous
>  boynton
Miss “Boynton”
>  Chocolate and Vodka
Suw Charman
>  margaret cho
nochorious
>  bloggedy blog blog
Katie Degentesh
>  Snozberry
Chris Horn
>  the redhead
wendy koslow
>  America Hates Us
Lillet & Trey
>  a girlie cul-de-sac
Ashlee McClelland
>  Making Light
theresa nielsen hayden
>  the fun hut
Fey Parrill
>  Free Love Freeway
Cynthia Rockwell
>  867-5309 jenny
jennifer roehm
>  Fists Unfurled
Sara Seinberg
>  michelle*
michelle thompson

logoblogs

>  Ivy is here
Ivy Alvarez
>  michael bérubé
Michael Bérubé
>  cup of chicha
Nathalie Chicha
>  Galley Cat
Nathalie Chicha
>  superdeluxe good poems
Chickee Chickston
>  eeksypeeksy
Malcolm Davidson
>  equanimity
Jordan Davis
>  pseudopodium
Ray Davis
>  transdada
Kari Edwards
>  Third Factory
Steve Evans
>  process documents
Ryan Fitzpatrick
>  overlap
Drew Gardner
>  ululate
Nada Gordon
>  old hag
Ms. Hag
>  this is all your fault
Christine Hamm
>  god of the machine
Aaron Haspel
>  Lisablog
Lisa Jarnot
>  The Jim Behrle Show
Jim Behrle
>  tykes on poetry
Jack Kimball
>  we write to taste life twice
Crystal King
>  lime tree
Kasey Silem Mohammed
>  Ruminate
Chris Lott
>  bemsha swing
Jonathan Mayhew
>  porthole redux
Catherine Meng
>  poop chute
Brooke Nelson
>  Maud Newton
Maud Newton
>  gila monster
Aimee Nezhukumatathil
>  mappemunde
Tim Peterson
>  fait accompli
Nick Piombino
>  caveat lector
Dorothea Salo
>  mike snider's formal blog & sonnetarium
Mike Snider
>  free space comix II
Brian K. Stephans
>  elsewhere
Gary Sullivan
>  the chatelaine's poetics
Eileen Tabios
>  about last night
Terry Teachout
>  CARVE
Aaron Tieger
>  Totebaggery
Lillet & Trey
>  okir
Jean Vengua
>  a fool in the forest
George M. Wallace
>  the ingredient
Alli Warren
>  william watkin's blog
William Watkin
>  stick poet super hero
Michael Wells
>  the well-nourished moon
Stephanie Young

politext

>  Agenda Bender
Agenda Bender
>  Eschaton
Atrios
>  Bad Attitudes
Jerry Doolittle
>  Empires Fall
Steve Barnes
>  Mystery Pollster
Mark Blumenthal
>  farai chideya
a former student
>  wonkette
ana marie cox
>  Brilliant at Breakfast
Jill Cozzi
>  crooked timber
philosocionomists
>  feministing
some ladies
>  filchyboy
christopher filkins
>  discourse.net
michael froomkin
>  talking points memo
josh marshall
>  the intersection
chris mooney
>  opinions you should have
tom burka
>  cousin blogorrhoea
Rob Schaap
>  the daily howler
bob sommerby
>  xx
some other ladies

sexual blogging

>  Susie Bright's Journal
Susie Bright
>  daze reader
evan daze
>  eros blog
bacchus & aphrodite
>  sex and depression
franny
>  edifying spectacle / pansexual sodomite
richard evans lee
>  Pillowbook
Wegglywoo



2008-03-04 02:23

I don’t really know what happened to me. It’s probably still happening. I lost the desire to write; we all know that. Any idiot can see.

And, of course, to live. I’ve regained neither.

Any idiot can see.

But tonight I remembered both —after living for more than two years in a disturbingly sociable deathlike state, suffocating beneath my burgeoning, geometrically compounding, 21st-century midden (a midden of mind as much as of domestic management): I actually phoned someone important and devastating from my past, from 25 years ago, from my san francisco days, someone vital to my conception of myself and my history, of whom i am right now, as it feels, in need. Someone utterly lost to me, swallowed by time and distance, on whom i’ve never stopped utterly, debasingly, crushing out. My barby—i call her barby—she’s my barby, to me, though i think she probably despises that name now (maybe always?) and no one else in her surroundings uses it or ever has. i imagine she still introduces herself as “Barbara,” not without reason, or maybe “Barb,” with, well, some slight reason—the savaging thorn. I’d been trying to web-stalk her to no avail for many, many, many years , almost since little Timmee B-L invented the Web, i guess. Cuz my barby apparently has no web presence under any names by which I knew her or can imagine her now existing.

A couple of hours ago now, I left her—orally, aurally, drunkenly—some silly, idiotic web traces in a PHONE message.

More than anything, NOW I really want to know what SHE’S doing! She can’t NOT have a web presence, can she? I really want, Derridaliciously, to know what that absent presence is! Surely, under some name, she does something recognized on the web? Please, Barby???? Ugh. Longing, frustration. Adoration. Denial.


  ·  anecdotage


* * *

  1. Derridaliciously, to know what that absent presence is!


    Dating    Apr 14, 02:42 PM    #
name
email
http://
Message
  Textile Help

  ·  

Blogarama - The Blog Directory Listed on BlogShares